Eight months later, I was in my aunt Maureen's house, celebrating thanksgiving with her husband, her sons and daughters, her grandchildren, her nieces and nephews. Her son, Brian, and his wife Ricca had named their newly born baby 'Maureen' in honor of his mother. I sat on the floor the morning after thanksgiving, feeling delirious due to lack of sleep (long story). And in came Brian and Ricca, with their son Brody and baby Maureen. I turned towards Maureen in her tiny little baby carrier, holding my hand out. Her eye instantly caught mine, and her small fingers slowly wrapped around mine, warm with life and smooth with youth. She gurgled and spit, incomprehensible babbles that somehow translated perfectly and were understood by my senses. I smiled, knowing for sure that my aunt Maureen had a hand in guiding this child to life; it was her baby, the next soul that had been designated to flourish in aunt Maureen's wake. A beautiful head of healthy black hair covered Maureen's head, which I ran my fingers through and marveled at the beauty of life. This death, and this birth. It all had meaning, and it was all a part of me and my soul. Thank creation for that.
Nov 29, 2010
Maureen And Her Baby
In March of 2010, I sat beside the bed of my aunt Maureen, holding her limp hand, still warm with life, tears streaming down my eyes. "Go ahead, you can say what you want to her," my Aunt Cathy softly suggested. "She won't respond, but she can definitely hear you." I tried not to cry too much, not to let all my emotion come flooding out. "I love you," I barely squeaked out, choking on my words. "It's okay." My sister and brother stood behind me, both tearful, my sister rubbing my shoulders. Aunt Maureen lay on her side, her face half buried into her pillow. The last time I had seen her, she had looked somewhat normal; now she seemed a shell of her former self, her body thinned and deteriorated, crippled by cancer. Her hair was mangled and twisted. She breathed oxygen into her nose through clear tubes, making a faint sighing noise each time she gently exhaled. How could this happen? So quickly? I quickly realized how fragile our bodies really are; simply vehicles for our inner selves. I had a conversation with my aunt Maureen that day, though I was the only who spoke audibly. I felt her closed eyes, the wrinkles that had developed across her face, the warmth of the blood flowing through her body, speaking to me. She knew those who loved her were with her, and would always be. And she said to me, "I love you too."
The Door Gods
Joni and the Dream. Who knows what the future holds?
18th... 26th...30th...
In order to see it, you've got to believe it. I do.
Nov 21, 2010
The Last Normal Year
--- "Humans have minds which constantly struggle, learn and adjust to their environment in an effort to survive and thrive. The patterns of survival become part of the mind itself and are known to the sentient human and his associates as personality. This is the ego, the self with which we identify. But because this phenomenon is organically based, it ceases to exist when the material body dies. The Urantia Papers propose that there also exists a fragment of the Creator — a pure spirit — which, because it has no environmental challenges, has no personality. They call this entity the Thought Adjuster and it is similar to our concept of “soul”. The goal of human existence is then to transfer our personality to the Adjuster so that we can survive physical death and continue eternity in the Universe as personalized spirits. This is achieved by living according to patterns of behavior and thought which make our personality compatible with the evolving personality of the Creator. If we achieve fusion with our Adjuster we will be assigned to other duties in the realm — perhaps serving as guardians for other material beings who are attempting to fuse. The whole scheme of life is devoted to serving the Creator and helping to evolve the grand personality of the Creator spirit — in essence, making the word become flesh."
--- "Above everything stands one force alone. We call it the CREATION. It regulates the laws over all–the life and death of everything in the universe, because it is everything in the universe. Real spirituality comes from the understanding of the laws of nature—the natural working of cause and effect—each contributing to, and sharing with all. When you indulge in ritual and ceremony real spirit pines away until it is gone. A spiritually developed being, as a part of creation, acknowledges creation in all things, even the smallest microbe, and leading a creative life causes fears and doubts to vanish like rain before the sun…wisdom is the mark of a human who has recognized the existence of his spirit and works with it according to the Creational laws. By creative thinking man acquires knowledge and wisdom and a sense of unlimited strength, which unbinds him from the limitations of convention and dogma… One can never identify God separately from creation because God itself is a part of it."
--- "Transcendence is commonly associated with the rising sun (and thus the compass direction of east), an ascension to the boundless emptiness of space, a journey into the upperworld, a union with the light - conversing with angels or the ascended masters."
--- "The soul path is often associated with the setting sun (and thus the direction of west), the descent to our earthly roots, into the wildness of the soil and the soul, a journey into the underworld, a voyage into the darkness or shadow as in the apparent destination of the sun as it sinks below the western horizon."
--- "This was my life and these were my friends
This was my process, in an occidental course
Right back to myself
These were my parents, firing truth
Fingers through sleeves about my youth
“Run and don’t look back”
Chasing the setting sun
They burn our eyes out, one by one
Oh God, the killing’s done
I must stay to see this end
The very last letter I could send
Would say
“For this time I’ve loved you!”
--- November 18th, 2010 --- November 22nd, 2010 --- November 26th, 2010 ---
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